My old friend Annette likes to forward things, and sometimes she hits home runs, if I may use the baseball analogy. I’ve selected a few of these four baggers which struck me particularly funny this morning, for some reason, for display here. Why not a bit of humor tucked in amidst the horrible news we are deluged with daily these days?
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating the Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
1. coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
6. negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
9. flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, ( n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
You’ll notice there are some missing numbers. Oh well, those were probably just as funny, but I figured the file will make its rounds around the internet so everyone will get a chance to see them all eventually.
Incidentally, well, maybe not so incidentally, the upper group came from “the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.” The lower group has also been published by The Washington Post and consists of “the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words”.